Everything was so wrong back then in my life. I was confused, getting into things that I didn't understand, and definitly getting in over my head. These days...things are different. I'm still the same old me, but a lot of things are different and everything is better. I gave up being Satanic once it became like christianity to me- didn't make sence and made me follow rigid rules I didn't believe. Now I proudly call myself a buddhist and have finally found something that I do believe in. I don't dress gothicly anymore, although I still have the clothes. Now that I'm older, I realised that people are just always going to look down on me for that sort of thing, and that while it's something I still like, I don't feel the need to get all dressed up in black bondage clothes. Bondage, however, is one thing that I don't think will ever change. I have a boyfriend now, of a year and a half, whom I love very much, and who loves me with all his heart. We are in a D/s relationship, but it is an increadibly healthy and happy one. We have plans to move in with each other and go to college together. My brother Eric is having a baby in afew months, and I couldn't be happier for him. He is finally growing up at 20 and starting to try and get his life back on track. My parents and he get along just fine now, and its as if those events never happened. I still cry when I read some of the entries in this diary, such as "everyone's got a first time" because it makes me sick to think about the things I did when I was younger. It may have only been two years ago, but I have grown up in leaps and bounds since those days. I am now getting ready for my senior year, college and sport a 4.0 gpa.

I realise now that my life is, and always was, filled with beauty and loving people, even if I was too blind to see it before. My life is going somewhere now, and I cannot wait to see where it leads me.

I just wanted to let you all know that this story does have a happy ending, despite the terrible low points it had. Thank you all so much for reading this and giving me feedback. I don't know a much more eliquent way of ending things except to say that in retrospect, things will always work out somehow. I know that now.